OLD NEWS


12/11/01-

Yes, we are long overdue for an update, but weve been busy so BACK OFF.

Here's the news: We auditioned for the Borealis (the cd that Scott sounded like a girl on) and we didnt make the cut. We believe that this is because of a conspiracy to take over the world led by the one and only Theodore from Alvin and the Chipmunks. Also, we auditioned for the talent sho last night and man what a night it was. Here's a great story that I got from Scott:

If you think that sex is awesome, wait 'til you hear this story: So I'm auditioning for the talent show with the band right and things haven't been going very well from the start. We had to start our song over for multiple reasons (cables coming loose, wrong sound levels, the judges being jackasses to us) but we finally finish the song. And after we finish the song, my my things get crazy. We decide to play like a quarter of an original song that we wrote, but that doesnt go over well either. After we're done basically sucking for the judges, Zach comes over for a hug. He thinks were done hugging, but I thought it was just the start so I hug the fucker for all I'm worth, and walk away from my amp, all while still plugged in I might add. In all of the hugging, I forget that im still plugged in, and pull the combo amp (the one that says punk rawk on it and happens to be John's) off of the speaker cabinet. It falls to the ground, and makes a loud noise. I notice that there's no sound coming out of it. I also notice that I have the freedom to walk around without worrying about where my cable is because I fucking broke it. I also fucking broke the amp as you might have guessed.

Yeah so basically well be doing a lot of borrwing of amps until John's is fixed. Which means that we wont be able to play any shows, but thatsa good thing because now we have an excuse to not play shows. Yay.

THE END

11/8/01-

You know you like my (Scott's) updates a lot better than Mark's because mine are funny, but since Mark REALLY wants to turn our page into his little diary about shit that isnt related to the band at all, I'M GOING TO LET HIM UPDATE UNTILL HELL FREEZES OVER AND SATAN GIVES OUT FREE SLEIGH RIDES.

K, so KKK took my baby away. Kroos here, here's the news: Yesterday Joe yelled out the window of the bus at browers and asked him about fingering Crystal Kent in the asshole. And today he mooned Betsy Stroble out the back window. I'm riding the bus every day forever from now on as long as Joe doesn't fix his car that he completely fucked over. Next story: Since scott didn't put up my last update since he's a homo, i'm gonna give my review of the powderpuff football game that no1 went to: It sucked. Moving on: Five iron frenzy is the best band in the world. John wants his cds back but i'm pissed at john for...oh wait no, john is just a FAG that licks balls and he jerks off to dogs having interCOURSE and then he likes to watch monkeys eat their own poop. hmm...Alex? Nope. Scott likes the big booty...yeah, but we found that out a long time ago Oh yeah, i almost 4got that this is a webpage for a BAND: fffc practiced the other day and according to Alex...oh wait, he wasn't there...well, according to scott it sounded good. Yeah, Aurora CD tryouts are come'n up...We all kno how that went last year, right scott? Ian...Ian got his first real "eh there son" the other day from eric wheeler. He's not here Stefan has crazy-ass hair. No not crazy Ass hair. We don't kno about that. But Crazy-ass hair. And tony danza sux.

10/30/01-

We arent playing the show tonight, so dont show up unless you want to hear Jidely hand or tossing with cock and tail.

10/22/01-

Yeeeeeeeeeuh. Right around this time last year, we had our first practice. Go us for being a band for a year and still sucking. Oh yeah and Mark still had a band. And then they broke up and Mark hung himself which is why he will never update again. EVER.(unless he really wants to...)

10/13/01-

Mark Cruce again. We all didn't feel like going to homecuming cause we suck. Instead we did sumthing cool and helped Ian move into his apartment. While in the process i ollied that apartment gap that i must've tried like, 5 zillion tries, and i 180ed the rock gap next to L&L. Yeah, those were my goals 4 2day. it was cool. On the way back to my place, scott and ian and dave all saw megan in a car w/ sum girl. She waved 2 them, but she didn't c me cause i'm fat. I was sad. I wanted 2 go 2 homecoming w/ her cause i luv her, but i'm a Stupid Asshole who needs to die of typhoid fever. John is in Conneticut. He's seeing a transexual lady named lindsey who is getting an award for being gay...i don't get how that werks. Listened to the whole five feet from cool cd today, and i thought it was funny how the last words on the cd are me saying: "John, You're fat." Dave and i decided that the best thing that five feet from cool can do right now, besides fall into a big whole, is to just make a cd of Zach freestyling. I'd buy it. Big news, Scott wants to unrelease the cd: Straight from the horses ass cause it sucks. John was goin on about sumth'n about how he doesn't want ppl to like them? I dunno what's up with that. John is fat and Brian eelers is cool. so is Chris Hinz.

10/12/01-

Mark Cruce here. New update for today. Kenan jacked Dave in the leg really hard today, so this update goes out 2 him. It was funny today how all those random ppl selected at the pep assemly were all jocks and preps. They're cool like Joe Harrington. Oh, i almost 4got, I saved scott from getting his ass kicked by elliot today after the assembly, so u can all h8 me 4 that cause i kno u'd have loved 2 c it. Yeah so 4 all u guys and gals goin to the homecuming dance tommarow, have fun dancing to rap music and making fools of yourselves on the dance floor. I wanted 2 go to homecuming, but i sucked a lot and got turned down. Yeah, let's c how many ppl I can offend in the next few lines. All you ppl suck a whole lot of donkey cock: Joe Harrington, Mike Mcdaniels, Chris Goulet, Betsy Stroble, John Roberts, Scott Canfield, AJ Cumsley, REana Dart, Ryan Nickels, Brian Browers (AKA stinky pinky), Drew Gayhann, Ross Roswell, Anybody who listens to Radio active Margarita, Weff Wudolf, Peter "Fuck'n" Jurmu, david Cain, Tony Danza, and the funny looking vice Principal that made me and scott stop sk8ing yesterday. That lady was mean. Oh yeah, Ryan Nickels got his gameboy advance taken away in math 4 playing mario golf on it. i laugh. Punch him if u see him. And lastly, if u wanna c five feet from straight look like a bunch of morons in front of a huge, drunken, jock population, show up at Alex Gentile's house devil's night. K, i'm out. Godwin Kicks a whole lot of ass.

That was Mark Kroos there. Yeah hes not cool. Throw things at him.

10/5/01-

Charlie left Goldfinger a while ago. That sucks ass. Boobs

10/3/01-

John is moving closer to Scott because his house sucks balls and none of his friends except Elliot are ever going to get to see inside of it because its condemmed and being destroyed. Oh yeah Scott went to Elderly Instruments (they rule) today and he was going to get his geetar assembled, too bad they close at 7 and he got there at 8. Sucks balls for him.

9/18/01-

This is Scott right now, I think im going to start archiving the news updates. Thats cool. This update goes out to ALF.

Ok, button, button, who's got the button. Heres the news.

Were playing a battle of the bands with no judges on a street sound dumb it is. Once again, Toxic Burrito is making fun of us and denying it. Last tuesday in ass ramming 101 they were the teachers becouse there so good at it. Anyway, there all "Five Feet From Cool is so gay" and.... WA NA NA.........Jack Bandit! I mean Matt Premer comes to the rescue yelling at their bitch asses for being super dumb go Matt (he wasn't in ass ramming 101 hes in the ap version of it). Ok friday went to the spott with Matt Stefan, Ian and a girl, we broke a bench it was fun. I bought a macho man Randy Savage toy. It broke. Fuck. Then we did stuff that I can't mention becouse it was too erotic and just telling you would have your head explode in a major ogasm so strong you would die.....

Ok band news scott is trying to get girls butt their booties just won't suffice. Alex is ba......nope still gone fooled you. Ian is being a loner becouse hes a fat baby. Zach got a mini disc player becosue hes way too cool for cds, and me welll i bought a cure cd becouse there fucking amzing and LANEMEYER IS AWSOME I WSH THEY WERE MY DAD THEN WE WOULD GO TO A BASEBALL GAME YO FOO THAT WOULD BE TIGHT. Yeah now im ganna rap you suck scotts fat he ate a cat on a mat it had a hat and a bat it went splat he shouldnt of sat whats up with dat where you at boom bang zat dont go to school youll be to cool so be a fool and eat some stool lady fome ghostbusters=zool thats it yo g dawg this is ghawn signing off and turning you on, on the hour and everyhour only on 88.9 the impact the channel for all your love and dreams of love to cum true.

-John

9/12/01-

Today it was confirmed. Devils night. A real rucus. 4123 Spinnaker Lane (actually in the middle of the street near there). Battle of the bands. We are playing. So show up or well rape your sisters. (it's cancelled)

9/11/01-

You all know what happened today and it really sucks so I'm not going to say anytnhing about it. On a lighter note, FFFC is considering doing a battle of the bands with Toxic Burrito and JDLY HaND.

9/10/01-

Check out the new bios section.

Elliot threw a motor at some construction worker on the bus today. I really hope the dude's ok, cause Elliot fuckin threw the thing really really hard, and it hit him in the face. This update goes out to him.

9/8/01-

Check out the new and much improved pictures section......NOW!!!!

Hey it's John becouse I'm so fucking cool. Ok news...I saw a girl get hit by a car. I hope she gets better so this updates for her. After many years of research, we have found out that scott loves the big booty, he wacthes B.E.T. all day long just for the rap videos. Ian is being dumb and trying to get us to change our name to the junkies or the whoremoans. Alex is....still gone. I hit Zach in the balls, and now I'm scred he's gonna hit mine so I'm the the run. Quick story John Larsen and Pat Gordon wanted a ride to a punk SHOW 45 minutes away from Kenan's sister. She wouldn't give them one, so they threw comdoms and dirt at her car. We drove to QD, got milk and dumped it on there cars then got away safely.....for now. As for me, I'm just gonna say 3 things:

(1) Buy lane meyer shit becuse they fucking rock my socks, and if you dont I'll slice you in half.

(2) Its pronounced Raw-men josie not Ray-men get it right

(3) We bought an ALF costome look for pictures later.

Ok, I guees thats all I really have to say. I'm going to get the shit kicked out of me paintballing tomoorow with Elliot. It should be fun, and I want you all to remeber that batman died for our sins. Thank you and stop being ugly.

9/5/01-

Ok everybody. This is John. According to everyone except me, I almost died yesterday. This girl came up to me and goes "I almost hit you with my car yesterday I'm reely sorry!!" And I didn't think that this ever happend but she was reely hot so she can hit me with her car any day. Ok band news...Scott's fat and making a guitar when he plays bass whats up with that. Zach threw his back pack at me and it landed on my foot and he wont give me back my aquabats cd so he can go to tony danzas house. Alex is......not in our band. Ian is the reincarnation of G.G. Allin. Yeah and my pet frog Mickey turned 3 today.

Scott now...I re did the pics page with a thumbnail thing. Its cool. Saw Mallrats the other day. A fuckin awesome movie. The end.

8/30/01-

Scott skated on a mini ramp for his first time today. He fell on his ass a lot. He thinks dropping in is really fucking hard. Tomorrow, he and John are going over to Eric's to skate the mini ramp again. John doesn't suck at dropping in because he is cool.

8/29/01-

Today was "be excellent day" at school. It sucked. John is writing a cool song about a girl that was fat and ditzy and stephan. Fun, eh?

8/27/01-

School started today, so you know what that means kids.....well I dont really know either, but what the hell does it matter. Drew Faghan is in a buch of my classes, and I'm looking forward to watching him make an ass out of himself for the whole school year. Yeah...that Drew is pretty dumb. Oh yeah....I've decided to make this the news page and such. I'll try and update it as much as I can, and all the pages that are linked on the right are going to look a lot different pretty soon. Taco.

8/24/01-

*NEWS FLASH*

AS OF 1:30 AM ON AUGUST 24TH TROMBONE PLAYER ALEX EMERY IS OUT OF THE BAND.....REASONS INCLUDE BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO THE FOLLOWING LIST:

EVERYONE IN THE BAND IS BETTER AT SKATEBOARDING THAN ALEX

ALEX THINKS HE FUNNY BUT HES NOT

ALEX WEARS ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH BECAUSE HES A RICH STUCK UP BITCH (OI OI OI)

ALEX IS THE ONLY ONE IN THE BAND THAT CAN GET GIRLS

ALEX HAS SEEN A NAKED GIRL

WE REALLY DONT WANT TO BE A SKA BAND RIGHT NOW

Suprise.....the CD is fuckin ready!!!(except we are having trouble with the back sheet) We had a special cd release party at Ska-t's house today. Check out the pics in our new and improved pictures section. To order the CD, contact us at our email address. Also, if any bands would like to link to us, or if you would like us to link to you, drop us a line and we'll work everything out.